Malleable Identity

I like to think that I'm me, no matter what. If someone describes me as something I'm not, it's comforting to think that whatever it is they make me out to be, and no matter how many people say it, it won't affect me. However, the reality is a person's identity is never set in stone. The public perception of anyone can change in an instant. And, if one isn't careful, their very definition of their own self can be knocked astray.

This is especially true in children. All children have a certain disposition, but depending how outside stimulus, the end result can vary drastically. This doesn't mean that all you have to do to a child to force them in one direction is to just tell them that they are so. For example, telling a rebellious kid he is good doesn't make him behave any better. He will probably just become entitled and spoiled. Personalities are more complicated than to accept a direct contradiction

However, if you them they are a bad kid, that framing can have an impact on their long term conception of themselves. Whether or not they want it to, it becomes a part of their identity, and they will have a hard time shaking it, even if they'd rather be something else. Instead of being just a kid who threw a tantrum one day, they are that kid who always throws tantrums, who challenges authority, who has problems with parents and teachers. Of course nothing is a one to one cause and effect, but how someone perceives themselves determines who they are.

Although adults have a stronger self perception, that doesn't mean they can't be affected by outside interference. It takes a thick skin to suffer accusations or receive praises without impacting the ego. Adults are somewhat aware that they can't let other people dictate who they are, but the battle is still a tough one. If you undermine someone's identity, that is the surest way to receiving a scathing, defensive response. We have all spent our entire lives building our selves and trying to make sense of who we are. There is nothing more unsettling than a false attack on the self we believe to be. Nothing, except a true one.